When I was ready to get married and have a family I felt the pressure of time. With the acceleration of technology interfering with romance, things became even more complicated. (Read “No Premarital Text“ after this!)
A moment of clarity struck when a date flaked (asked me out, confirmed even, but no time or place… you know the drill), but I got up the courage to ask him what happened. After he shared a bunch of reasons that made no sense, he said honestly that he wasn’t looking for anything right now. I surprised myself by responding with relief. I said genuinely, “Thank you for not wasting my time.” Then I told him kindly and clearly what I was looking for right now – and that if he knew anyone, to please set me up. He wanted to see me right away.
Suddenly my perspective became so unencumbered: This is my goal. If you’re on the path with me, great. If you’re not, the sooner I know that the better. And vice versa!
I started looking at everything in my life through time. How was I spending it — in my thoughts, my emotions, on social media, and who with? My attitude shifted. If I was confused, or the other person seemed to be, I cleared it up. I didn’t text with anyone other than logistics. My communication style became only clear, kind, respectful, funny, and authentic.
Only eight weeks after saying Thank You For Not Wasting My Time, and living it, I met the man who would become my husband. (See “How To Get What You Want… Faster” for a step by step.)
Thank You For Not Wasting My Time isn’t about rushing through life. On the contrary. It’s important to slow down and spend time on the things you want to, or need to, or enjoy spending time on. It’s about valuing how you spend your time. Saving time by using clarity. Not demand, not drama, not distraction, clarity.
You can use Thank You For Not Wasting My Time anytime! It’s a grounding perspective as well as a handy motto in all arenas of life. Sprinkle it on cereal. Put it in smoothies. You’ll find that you just won’t be that into someone not being that into you. You’ll find that thoughts that don’t serve you will take a hike. You’ll appreciate nuance.
You’ll also find that honoring your time emotionally, as well as other people’s, is the power of a lifetime. It’s called a lifetime for a reason. How do you want to spend it?
Yes – very wise. Worrying too is such a waste of time, especially if it’s not your problem. It’s easy to own other’s problems (especially if you care for them). Clarity is hard to come by, but exceedingly worth the work.
Such a good point about worrying. Thank you for your insightful note.
That you learned this lesson so early in life is a gift to yourself. As you age, time becomes even more precious. Nice work.
Thank you! I love that you say it’s a gift to yourself.
This has actually changed my life. I printed this out and I keep it on my makeup mirror — the last place I am before a date. It gives me courage, protects me from future grief, and I feel so strong when I say it. I’ve had a lot of first dates, but I haven’t wasted my time! Thank you.
Thanks for writing, Kim! I’m so glad you’ve been using it. Way to go.
Knowing yourself is a lifetime adventure. You are so insightful and share the most wonderful ideas to be helpful to others.
Beautifully said: “Knowing yourself is a lifetime adventure.” Thanks so much for your note.